DIY Advent Calendar

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According to my Google Photos memories, I did my Quacks of Quedlinburg Custom Storage: Broken Token Storage Makeover this time last year. Well, fuck, I guess this is when I get crafty. ‘Cause now I’m doing an Advent Calendar.

I really wanted an Advent calendar this year. I wanted fancy keto chocolates. I found TWO chocolatiers who do keto bon bon calendars. Both in ENGLAND. Only one of which ships to America. Price $60.00. Shipping $22.00. Fuck. So I went on Amazon shopping around for advent calendars I might like. I was about to order one with those metal puzzles, but like, I’d like to mix it up. So I thought about a DIY advent calendar! Now husband aint gonna do that for me — I asked. But my friends would! So I tasked K with a hundred dollars to stuff an advent calendar for me.

So I decided to make myself a reusable calendar. Cause I’m crafty and I could have done paper bags but that would be simple. I don’t like simple. I also found the blank wooden calendars on amazon. They’re cheap crap — but whatever. The photos were obviously AI — whatever. I can paint! So I ordered a cheap wood advent calendar.

I considered modpodge. I thought I’d be able to find a cute christmas bag, or some paper — or better yet, decals. Nope. So I decided to paint mine. First, I had to color it. I decided to stain it so you could see the wood grain. This was fuck me #1. Because the red gel stain dried super light and also slightly powdery. So I had to seal the whole thing. Whatever. It’s red. Also this took two days because it needed two coats.

I decided to go with hanging ornaments. So I put a photo of my red boxes in Photoshop and mocked up colorful balls and garland. Then I spent two evenings painting them. This was the highly enjoyable part. I genuinely looked forward to coming home to work on my advent calendar these days. Painting circles is hard so they did end up bigger and therefore I had to drop one. Whatever. I also repainted the garland and decided I went way to dark on the greens. It is what it is.

I used nail art for the drawer numbers! K and I went to Hobby Lobby AND Michael’s last weekend looking for anything to use for numbers. Wood burning? Only letters. Stickers? Nope. Stamps? Only letters. Charms? Holy shit, so expensive. So Etsy hooked me up with nail art stickers. They ended up CRAZY tiny but they’re there.

Fuck me #2 was sealing everything. Thankfully, I was correct that sealing it would darken the red. I did NOT think to seal it before I painted on the stain. This would have saved me a ton of trouble. Why? Well, that powdery red stain coat turned the clear varnish bright pink! That looks awesome over my painting! So I had to seal and then quickly wipe it off the painted areas. So, of course that was gonna be two coats. Then I had to go super extra and seal all the sides of the drawers too to make them red and not pink. That’s a lot of surfaces.

I’m going to go with fuck me #3 was not spending more on a quality box. This one has a lot of jankiness so some drawers don’t fit well. This led to lots of sanding and numbering after staining. Then it led to a bit more sanding after painting and sealing. There are some tight fits where drawer separators are crooked. Also the different wood types took stain differently and the front shows the particle board. But whatever — IT LOOKS SO GOOD NOW!

I’m actually really happy I went with the stain so you can see the wood grain.

Now I’m going to take it to K so she can fill it with goodies for me to enjoy all December!

These would be fantastic to do if you had kids. Think about growing up with a custom advent calendar and having that keepsake. It would also be cheaper for the parents. You can just buy a bag of candy and bam, advent calendar done. Or, you could be smart and get little trinkets all year and stash them away. Like think of the stuff you stuff in Easter Eggs. Grab it up and save it. Clearance Halloween candy treats.

I really enjoyed making this! I think it would be great with little gold feet too. Like little wood balls or something. But I’m not going to hunt those down.

I’m so excited for my calendar! I’m going to put it under my Christmas Tree!

Cat with a Cowlick

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cowlick – noun – cow·​lick ˈkau̇-ˌlik  : a lock or tuft of hair growing in a different direction from the rest of the hair

Louie sleeps on husband’s side of the bed. Usually at this feet, but sometimes, adorably snuggled up by his arms. So when I get up in the morning, I walk past husband’s side of the bed and therefore Louie. I give him a little pet on my way to the bathroom to get ready for work or brush my teeth or whatever.

The other day, he looks up at me for his acknowledgement and he has a cowlick. Not too weird — I mean he does get his tail wet in the water fountain all the time. But it was kinda stiff. So I was like WTF did you get into?

Then I remembered that, the night prior, Louie had given me top tier snugs (AKA snuggles or cuddles). It’s been cold and we only have the heat on 65 degrees (F). So Louie has been colder and more likely to snuggle. And when he DOES choose to let you snuggle him, he’s a magnificent teddy bear. And the night before he had curled up against my chest, with my arm around him, and even tucked his little head in tight beneath my chin. And he feel asleep! THE CUTENESS!

Do you see where this is going?

Yeah, I drooled on my cat.

I mean, to be fair I drool on my husband too. I’m sorry, Louie!

Being a Woman

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So I’m working in a different location today.  I just used the rest room and there’s a full medical-style weight scale in there. 

I thought that was weird.  Haven’t seen that in 42 years.  So I ask my coworkers if there’s one in the men’s room.  They ask what I’m talking about because that’s a weird question, right?  So I show them the picture. 

Nope.  Nothing like that in the men’s room.

What the hell?  Now it’s weird AND sexist.  I’m so confused. 

UPDATE:  I’ve been asking around.  Because there’s just so many questions.  Like this isn’t some home scale that someone just brought in -which would beg the question why someone would do THAT.  This thing is heavy and bulky. 

Was it for some health incentive?  But why the women’s room and not the men’s?  Or just some neutral place? 

Why is this here?  No one seems to know.  Someone thinks it was brought over from their previous building but again – more questions.  Why was it THERE?  Why move it?  Why to the women’s room? Was some mover asking where to put the scale and someone just said “woman’s bathroom.”

I’ve never even seen one of these in a hospital bathroom. 

Happy Halloween!

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Today was Halloween, also known as my favorite holiday. All the fun of the other holidays, none of the stress! No obligations! Just the good stuff you choose to do.

Obviously, I’ve had much preparation. All of my downstairs is covered in decorations. K2 and I did our gingerbread houses a bit ago. I did Wednesday Season 2, as you know.

Sunday K and K2 came over to carve pumpkins. I did a scary face. Well, Sunday he was scary. Like a bright new evil minion ready for mayhem. Today, he’s more of an older over-indulged boss type that tells the other fresh minions what to do. Hey, a week in jack-o-lantern time is like 30 years in human time. Now he’s more of a corporate evil.

Speaking of corporate evil, today was the end of my second week on the new job. So far I really like my coworkers. The people I work with have very sparse cubes, so I’m pretty sure they think I’m crazy because I moved on in. THEN I decorated for Halloween.

The other night I made up a bunch of goody bags to give out at work. So, I’m obviously repping Halloween today. I was in the break room refilling my water and this guy goes “You have bats on your neck!” I say “yep” without looking up from my water bottle. And then he goes “…wait… are those real?” “Yep.”

Hahaha. I’ve never had anyone comment on the bats much less think they were fake tattoos. But I am new and I was very clearly repping Halloween. So I guess you would assume I’d do fake tattoos. I mean, I would. These just aren’t. I did find it hilarious though.

After work I ran by Panera for husband’s dinner and mom’s blueberry streusel muffin. Yes, I know she liked the APPLE streusel muffin, but they don’t make those anymore. Then I used the last bit of daylight to harvest flowers for my ofrenda while Louie smelled all the things.

Tonight, husband and I played the third episode of Dispatch and I made cake for me and Jack. I put together a gorgeous ofrenda for mom and Jack! Tomorrow is Día de los Muertos, after all.

I grew all the flowers. The orange Mexican Marigold were seeded this year just for this purpose. Not as many grew as I’d have hoped. Next year I’ll do more varieties. All the yellow are actually ones that grew from what I planted last year that seeded itself. They all smell heavenly. I can see why this is the flower for Día de los Muertos. Mom would be pleased with this display.

Mom has her Panera muffin, pumpkin spice coffee (also smells heavenly), and those little candy pumpkins. She loved those. I also made Jack and I cake tonight. Jack fucking LOVED cake icing. So I made us a yellow keto cake with the keto cream cheese icing he could never get enough of. That cat fucking loved sweets. I garnished it with some catnip that Louie doesn’t give a fuck about. I have a ton of plants now because Louie doesn’t bother them. Jack ate ALL THE PLANTS. So he’ll appreciate fresh catnip. Mom will probably give him some muffin too.

Still no Trick-Or-Treaters… ever… at this house.

Bed time for me. I hope Jack visits. I hope he at least knows how much I miss him. Mom’s a human, but Jack’s just a cat. So I hope he knows I’d be with him if I could. Take care of him for me, mom!

Some Tattoos Hurt More Than Others

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So Friday we did some more tattoo work.  It was a shorter session.  Just about two hours of tattooing. 

The plan was for the weeping angel to be a brown statue.  I liked how she looked in black and grey though.  I also want her to tie into the rose window and should that stone be brown?  Mainly, I like her contrast from the rest of the sleeve.  Like the pumpkins below Jack and the Jack-o’-lantern lid on my shoulder already get a bit lost. 

We decided to color the leaves and then decide.  I decided to stick with the greys.  Two other artists also thought it looked better in greys.  One was even complimenting her on the choice to have it contrast, so I feel like it’s a good choice.  And it’s not like we can’t go back and do the brown wash later. 

Angel Face

That meant just a two hour session.  That was for the best.  Cause y’all…  YALL.  Tattooing the elbow is fucking spicy.  You know how hitting your funny bone is hell?  Well just fucking needle it for an hour. 

I had been dreading this session all month since she did a bit last time.  Fuck me, that hurt.  I was laying on the table on my stomach (my choice, I had pillows for comfort).  So when it hurt, I’d bend up my legs and swish them.  But at one point she was like “OK, that’s way too much moving.” So I had to switch to turning away and scraping the pillow right by my ear for distraction. 

And like she knew it was gonna hurt and made no pretense that it would not.  IN FACT, when she started she literally said “NO MERCY!”

Like, fuck, y’all.  And she didn’t just use the 20 shader and do solid color like last time.  Naw, she had to do details.  Good thing she didn’t run that by me first cause I’d have vetoed it.  Oh AND she had to go over the color she did last time because the elbow doesn’t take ink well or something.  Jesus. 

Both sessions that she tattooed my elbow, I had a huge sweaty hot flash.  Not fun.

Then she was shading behind the angel in “hag green.” She was shading up around my armpit and was like “how is this not bothering you?”  Naw, fuck man, all my body knows is that you’re almost a foot from my elbow.  I even had her go back and shade more there by the arm pit. 

I do remember when she did that leaf on my shoulder that it was crazy spicy when she got close to my armpit.  But Friday my body was like “anything but the elbow.” I don’t know if my pain sensors were burnt out or temporarily recalibrated, but naw armpit all you want. 

Broken Trex Arm.

Saturday, I pretty much had a broken Trex arm.  I wanna act all tough.  But y’all.  I felt like my arm got hit by a truck.  I was literally contemplating when I last hurt that much and remembered when I totaled my car and was covered in bruising and spent days in bed covered in ice packs. 

I mean, I should still get major bad ass points for doing it though. 

We went to the plant show and I couldn’t really carry anything heavy because I couldn’t straighten it or move it far from my side.  Devon recommended ice when I told her she beat me up.  That helped!  That seems so obvious.  Severe swelling = ice.  Nope.  Never thought of icing a tattoo.  Even then, there was no hand clapping at the circus that night.  Just knee slaps. 

It looks fucking AMAZING though.  She did an elongated leaf I affectionately call the “Chernobyl leaf” over my fat bump and elbow.  This totally camouflages my fat arm!  Woot!  There was lots of bending and straightening both for the lines and while she was tattooing so it would line up.  So when my arm is flat down at my side, normal leaf.  I love that she did a detailed leaf there.  I’d have vetoed it for the pain, but I like the outcome. 

Oh and she covered all of the keloided surgery scar.  My arm scars after the skin removal healed weird.  They are perfectly flat until you get close to the elbows where they keloided.  So on this arm, all of that has disappeared.  Damn, keloid and fat bump camo. 

The vast area of blank space behind my tattoo had bothered me, now it’s fucking solid.  It looks like it wraps.  And I love it.  I had always wanted a sleeve going in.  I never intended to stop where it was.  So while it may shock some, I’m fucking jazzed. 

Can’t wait to get pictures when the swelling goes down.  Writing this on Wednesday and it’s still swollen.  Getting into the itchy phase now.  Fucking itchy elbow.  It looks so fucking amazing.  I am an art piece.  And chefs kiss on the weeping angel.  It’s fire. 

Oh and I have a new tattoo tradition!  I went by Bucky’s on the way back for a pee break.  My car needed a wash so I was probably gonna get one anyway.  But when I saw a dollar off per gallon with purchase of a wash?  Fuck, sign me up!

It looked like a unicorn was pissing on my car but in a fabulous way. 

Unicorn Piss

Like that was fun.  And I picked up some delicious BBQ to eat when I got home.  For sure doing this every appointment now. 

Halloween Crafting

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As I death march to my new job tomorrow, lets reflect on some of the nice things I’ve done with my two and-a-half weeks off.

K2 and I did our annual Halloween Gingerbread houses! I went with Wednesday Season 2. Basically, I got the crow cupcake toppers on Vine and was like “what can I do with these…” — Then BAM, Wednesday. So I did her and Enids balcony.

Lots of lessons learned on this one. We both hate the day of dough making and baking. It’s a whole damn day. My oven vent hood was on for song long (I run it when the oven runs because sometimes husband can smell gas upstairs from the oven) that it turned itself off. Yeah. Then I made my own sugar instead of using candy because I needed clear. I did colors in cupcake trays and then poured off the rest to a pan as the instructions for edible glass say. But I think it just got too warm because it was the last to get poured and because there was a bigger mass. So it came out yellowish and not clear. The strings that ran between the cupcake molds are clear, so I think that’s what happened. UGH. So we used UV resin. And that didn’t go great because it was overflowing into each other. And even though the window actually looks great with natural light behind it, the lights inside have an extremely blue glow. And it took over an hour of standing at the stove to make that edible glass. Damn.

I also wanted to make railings for the balcony and I did, but the sugar was too wet, perhaps? I did the roof line bird spikes at the same time as the railing and they dried perfectly. The railing was a no go. I was going to do it again, but… fuck it. We were already three days in. Baking takes a whole hard won day. WHOLE DAY with two of us. Then we did a day to ice our sides before assembling. Then a day to assemble after they dry and finish off details. I decided the stone pillars gave the impression enough for the railings. No one cares but me. I cant sculpt gargoyles either, so we got pumpkins. Enid carved a happy face in hers. Wednesday’s is small and knocked over by the one-eyed raven and yes, that bitch has a silver eye.

I had also done two colors of purple for the roof. I was going to do individual shingles. But the icing was too runny, so I just did this and swirled it. Honestly, that was for the best. Win on that. This would be the end of an entire dormitory so I just cut the back off with the entry door to their room. But it looked so bland and weird that I did it up for Dia De Los Muertos. That’s totally on theme for Season 2 as well.

“I’ve never seen cultural appropriation done with such panache.” – The best Gomez Addams

For Christmas I’m going simple. I want to do obnoxious Christmas colors since I was very refined last year. I want gaudy traditional.

I’m back to my cat diamond art painting. Six panels done now! I like that it worked out that I get to do the black cat and pumpkins the end of October. Probably in to November too ’cause this next week for me is insane busy (New job, Christmas Concert, Physical Therapy, Tattoo Day, Plant Expo, and Circus).

Give me a break, this this has 108,185 square diamonds in 55 colors. Most of which are black. Also, I took a break from this one to do Moon Bats for Drills and Chills:

So I guess it’s back to the grind. It was nice having some time off. I wish I’d have pushed it back further, but I did not. Probably better not to get too happy and content not working.

I’m a dumbass

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I just paid $125 to be exposed as a giant dumbass and have a box gotten down from a tall pantry shelf. And that last bit was just a “while you’re here, you look tall…” 

That I’m a dumbass is not some revelatory news. But paying money to find out hurts my soul.  

When we redid the floors and they moved the appliances back in, the stove stopped working correctly. It’s a gas stove. Some burners were getting way too much gas and had huge flames, some wouldn’t light. So we finally had someone out to look at it.

Turns out, when they put the stove back, they didn’t put the burner covers on in the right order. They switched the smaller ones around. And to my great surprise, that really makes a difference.  

So I showed Mr Appliance what was wrong. He stared at it for a second. Switched the covers around and BAM.  

Jesus fucking Christ, that hurt my soul. 

Welp. Now I have a personal example to use when I tell smug engineers they’re not as smart as they think they are. We’re fucking worthless outside of our jobs.  

Baby Shower… or Psychological Torture

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So I’m in Amazon Vine so I see a lot of random shit. A big thing right now are these Halloween Baby Shower decorations. Someone found the phrase “A little boo is almost due.” So now there’s a million things with that theme. The first time I saw it, I said to myself is it a baby or a murder? I chuckled a bit.

Don’t get me wrong. I fucking LOVE Halloween. So if I was pregnant around Halloween, I’d be all over this theme. But the more of it I see, the more I’m like — Man, what if you wanted to just scare the shit out of someone with this shit? Hear me out:

When they’re out of the house you set up a big grand one. Something fancy with balloons like a huge announcement. Kinda like this one with a balloon arch and go all out:

They come home. They live alone. They’re not pregnant. Maybe they’re a man. What the actual fuck? Who did this? What kind of weird joke is this? They throw everything away.

Then, you keep doing it. Randomly. Some days they come home and more baby shower decorations are set up. A banner one day. Balloon letters another. A wall backdrop another.

Spread it out. Really make them paranoid.

Am I the boo that’s coming? Clearly someone insane is targeting me.

Then one day, full table set up. Table cloth, cheesy napkins, cups, plates, the WORKS. Set it all up on the table or buffet. But on the table, only set one single setting. Just all the decorations like there’s gonna be a party — but on their table just one place setting. Cheesy plate in the middle. Cheesy napkin with fork and knife. Cheesy cup in the top right corner. Just one.

So like, that’s escalation. That’s fucked up shit. Then the next day — a CAKE. “My first Boo Day” with another single place setting (cause you kept stuff for one more).

Like how fucked up would that be? This should be a movie. A psychological thriller. Someone just coming home to this shit. And the police don’t care. It’s just a prank. It’s baby stuff. Every time it happens, you call the police and they start to just be annoyed with you. No one cares. It’s just a prank someone is playing with you.

Maybe you see a therapist.

Maybe it ends with you sitting down at your place setting with the cake in front of you, resigned to your fate.

Maybe you just turn on the lights and see the cake and a shadowy figure is behind you in a doorway and the movie just ends. Maybe you’re standing there horrified and right then, a car pulls into the driveway and the headlights light up your face as they pull in. Leave it open ended.

Psychological. Torture. Thriller.

And it all came from Vine so like it was all free.

Getting Old Eyes

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In my bodies continuing march to fall apart, I have now been prescribed progressive lenses. Even my eyeballs are old now.

And nothing can ever prepare you for that puff of air at the eye doctor. I know we’ve come a long way from dilating drops, but Jesus! Is ANYONE OK with that? It doesn’t hurt. I know it doesn’t hurt. And yet every bit of my body is like “I don’t want my face here.” “How about I just preemptively keep blinking?” “IT’S COMING, ISN’T IT?”

So those are gonna be fun getting used to. I’m terrified. I did opt for the most expensive option for the bigger viewing field. They only tried to sell me on the second-best option. Naw, dawg. Go up.

How is it safe driving in glass where only a third of the lenses are for distance? How does this work? I DON’T WANNA.

Side note: When I googled “progressives” it was all political. I hate our world.

Progress on Crafts, Decor, and Job Hunting!

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Making progress on my epic Halloween diamond painting.  Five of the 8 panels are complete! 

I’m taking a short break to swap to my small diamond painting for Drills and Chills.  It’s a Halloween event where you can win prizes!  This painting wouldn’t count because you couldn’t start until September.  So I’m doing this small one from Michael’s:

You might think I’ll never finish both before Halloween, but I have some time off coming up.  Possibly.  Very likely. 

I might have found a job!  It will be as a contract to the government.  I’ll be doing hardware configuration management in aviation.  It’s working for a temporary boss I had. 

The benefits aren’t as good, but they’re better than unemployment!  And I love my boss.  She won’t be my boss boss cause I’ll be a contractor again.  But my boss only cares that I make her happy, so SCORE. 

Problem is less PTO and not fronting me ANY.  So starting late October with 0 PTO.  Awesome. 

HOWEVER, it is just in time for me to leave my job with a payout incentive to quit.  Right in the nick of time!  I have to choose by Tuesday.  They wanted to try to get me the offer Friday, but it didn’t come so hopefully tomorrow. 

I’m going to take 2 weeks off.  STAYCATION!